social media is good and all, but i have allowed it to ruin me.

Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, SnapChat, MySpace . . okay, well maybe not so much MySpace anymore but that was the start of it all some 10+ years ago for me. I remember changing my music, my screen name, and my Top 8 like I changed my underwear – literally, daily it was something to review and update and you know when Stacy said something mean she went down the chain of Top 8 and for Heaven’s sake don’t make me take her off there completely. For whatever reason it was an accomplishment to be in someone’s Top 8, and that started it all.

Social media is good. Don’t get it twisted, I am FAR from anti-social media. I am able to quickly, in one post, update my entire family from the Marine in San Diego (currently) to the parentals in Missouri and Texas on what the girls are doing, to what I am doing, or on my latest Aldi or Old Navy find. I’ve connected with old friends, I’ve kept friendships from completely dying by being able to stay up to date with their lives, you know, even if we haven’t seen each other in 10 years! I buy clothes, see wellness products, people’s businesses are made by social media and the way it can reach so many people, so quickly. So there are benefits. For sure.

What I have allowed it to do to me, is what I think several others have allowed as well – and for me allowing it to have a hold over myself is why I think it’s ruined me, and many of us. I’ve allowed the filter to blur what actually might really be there. We compare – keeping up with the Jones’ has never been more pertinent. I shared something 4 years ago today actually on Facebook about being too busy working on my own grass to even notice yours . . .well that’s a lie. How can one not pay attention to that green ass grass when it’s shining so brightly? So not only do relationships and friendships suffer because all we see is the good or the words are misconstrued in the black and white text we see on the screen, but we as individuals also suffer.

I literally deleted IG from my phone an hour ago and I already have the twithces. No of course, I’m not deleting my account, but the sheer fact that every moment I am not doing anything I am on there is a problem, to me anyway. I admit it, isn’t that step 1 of the 12?!? I post a picture and wait for the likes. Wait for the new followers. How many can I get? I mean, part of that is the point, right? Like I’m trying to create a following of this blog and I need the great media of social to help with that, but I think there has to be a healthy balance. I don’t have that right now so maybe deleting the one touch access for a bit will train my mind . . .maybe it’s wishful thinking. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I will seriously post a photo in my story and then remember the number of views so that when it changes I can see who else may have viewed it. Then, well then that just starts a whole new thing because what happens when someone I don’t know viewed it, I have to go stalk their page of course. Or even better what happens when people you really want to see it, see it. NOTHING. Nothing. Freaking. Happens folks. I don’t then call or text them and say, ‘so what did you think of my story/post?’ 🤦🏼‍♀️ It gives me either pure joy or (in today’s case) pure anxiety for what people maybe be thinking. I put the post out there, it’s public, I could care less if they like it, but to say I don’t want to know what they’re thinking – well that there is a load of BS my friends. A full load of it. This is all straight up the truth, might sound super crazy – but actually, no, I am sure it doesn’t, I am sure I am not alone in this.

So then I just have to ask myself how sure of myself am I? How much do I really not care if they like it? How confident in myself am I if the amount of likes or followers or shares of a post make me who I am? They don’t. They don’t make me who I am. I’m much cooler in person. My laugh is infectious. I am hilarious, well I mean, I crack myself up. 😂 I am good friend. A loyal person. I care and would do just about anything for anyone else. Really that’s me. I overthink too much and give too much of myself to others. Yup, that’s me too – but that can’t all be judged by the amount of likes I have or followers I gain in a day. I allow it to though sometimes. Sometimes too often. I allow a number or a screen name to change my dynamics. Can’t do that. Nope. Can’t do that anymore.

I admit this is likely extremely unhealthy. But also I am admitting it . . . why else would there be filters on SnapChat? I mean if it didn’t matter that we had a zit, or our makeup isn’t on, or our hair is a mess then filters wouldn’t be needed – but we can cover that all up and portray this idea of what we aren’t. We are almost encouraged to fake it! I try to be 100% fluid and candid with my posts (except for that big mouth filter because I LOVE that one 😂) because again, I don’t really care if you approve, but I want you to. And I don’t really care if you like it, buuuuuttttt I want you to. But more importantly I have to find the healthy balance of sharing because I want to and am excited to and then not caring if anyone likes, comments, shares.

I’ll post again, duh, I mean, I’m not going away, you’re not that lucky! But I REALLY want to make it something I am not doing to make myself get some false high off of, for real. I know I am not alone in this, as raw and kind of embarrassing as it is to admit this – it’s true and genuine and hopefully will get some likes. 😉

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Author: Heather Musick

Mother of 2 going through life one day at a time . . .

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