I like this saying: progress, not perfection. We are always a work in progress, nothing is ever complete, there is always work to be done. Some people will not admit this and I think that’s a true test of a person’s ability of being able to grow – if they can know and admit that we are each a work in progress and there is always growing to do.
I have kind of taken a step back this last week or so and really reflected on that statement due to some things that were said and presented to me. In addition to the fact that I am a work in progress, it’s also important to note that everyone’s progress is different. Everyone’s situation is different and even when the situation is the same, no two people will handle it or react the same. That’s why this world is great, diverse, awesome, and also so freaking hard.I was told a few weeks back that this blog makes me look pathetic – that maybe I am playing the victim card too hard and really need to accept what has occurred and just move on, and that my inspirational posts and quotes are fake and annoying. Well, it’s been 3 months since I’ve been divorced. THREE MONTHS. Yes, that’s right, just 3. Feels like an eternity some days and others just like yesterday but after 14 years three months is no time at all really. So, no, I am not healed all the way and if I pretended to be, well that my friends, that would make me look pathetic in my opinion. On that same night someone that I used to work with – haven’t seen or talked to in like 4 years reached out, saying that she enjoys following up with me and my progress, that marriage is work and it’s hard and my honesty she appreciates for her own marriage and her own self, as well as the motivation to just do life the best she can every single day. So, you know, as the saying goes – you win some, you lose some. Can’t please them all.
Let me also say – if you REALLY read this “blog” that I started to help myself, help others, and let’s be real try to figure out how to become a rich SAHM sugar momma, well then you should know that no, I don’t play the victim card. I can think of several situations I’ve shared that I’ve stated I played a part in why my marriage didn’t work. I take full ownership in that. In that same sentence I might say I wasn’t willing to give up and that I don’t necessarily take ownership in WHY it had to end, but HOW we got to the bad part took two. 100%. OWN. IT. The biggest thing I did (or didn’t do) that truly affected every. single. aspect. of my life was not putting myself first; or frankly not even putting myself in the equation at all and that caused a lot of problems for me on the inside and out, and now for the first time in 15 years I am doing me. Loving it and loving the outcome.
Little random tangent there I had to get out, but back to the whole progress bit.I was sent Rachel and Dave Hollis’ #10yearchallenge photo yesterday . . I’ve seen it before and the #10yearchallenge is so last month so it’s not even the same, but that inspired me for a #10monthchallenge . . . and why 10 months you ask? well simply because that’s the last time I could find a photo of me that was full length and my ex-spouse’s arm wasn’t wrapped around me (while we were faking it of course) 😝 Anyway . . .
Yup – there it is. That’s 10 months, come next week, of change. That’s crazy. It’s kind of sickening also. I think I even said looking back trying to find a picture that it’s no wonder why my ex-husband wasn’t interested in me and traded me in for a newer model. 😂🤷🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤣 But in all seriousness in 10 months I have increased my life span and I have made myself happier by getting physical. The gym is my happy place now. My schedule goes around when I am going to have time to “gym it” and right now that’s so important to me and my growth, my progress; both internal and external. In 10 months, well not even 10 months, more like 6 but who’s counting, I have gone down 12 pants sizes, almost 70 pounds of weight, and I have gained a world of confidence. Some of these numbers are pretty sickening, but they’re real. I have lost over 48 pounds of fat, I have gained almost 10% muscle mass (literally because I see a nutritionist and get measurements I know this), and have gotten my BMI from morbidly obese, for real, to healthy and am getting the good weight proportioned better. I truly do not know if I’ve ever been more proud of my body. Of course 18 year old, 110 pound Heather thought she was the shit – but a much wiser, almost 33 year old Heather is realizing the weight number isn’t all it’s cracked up to be – and that my body has literally been cut open and given life to two beautiful girls and I couldn’t be more proud of this body and the work I have put into it and the amazingness it has created.
Going back to that May 5th date almost 10 months ago when I completed, not easily, my first 5k with my oldest. We had so much fun and it felt so good to say I had done it. It didn’t spark my fire though. I didn’t run another 5K until almost 6 months later – also with her for the same cause except this time I was encouraging her to keep up (it was 19° and so cold) but yeah, we did it, again. At this point, my fire had already been lit.
My fire had been lit because I had been given the opportunity to put myself first. Put my health first. I have time that I didn’t push for, ask for, fight for, or think I had before. I make the time now. My health; mental, physical, and emotional have become so very important to me. I have no shame in my game saying I see a psychologist/therapist, whatever you want to call it, I am dating gym, (that’s like Jim, but with a G 😂), and being alone has never felt so good. Also, being alone has never felt so….alone and scary, and in the beginning lonely like. The house is empty, the kids are gone, I have the animals and I talk to them but let’s be real – when you’re alone like that, for 2 or 3 days on end and not working and maybe even snowed in 🤷🏼♀️ – you get to be REALLY comfortable with being uncomfortable. After some time and tears and realizations the loneliness wears off and the growth happens. That’s that whole work in progress thing. Progress, not perfection.
I am so thankful for this lit fire. For it has not only changed my outward appearance but more importantly my inward feelings. I have changed the way I view things perspective is key. This process has changed the people I associate with. It has encouraged me that negativity is not warranted and I don’t have to deal with, respond to it, or even pay attention to it. It has given me confidence on so many levels that I really do feel good most days. Keeping it real, trust and believe that there are definitely days that I cry. There are definitely days where I feel like the victim. And there are definitely days where it takes every ounce of my being to get up and go; but by making that choice, every single day I know I’m headed in the right direction. Progress. Not perfection.