I wish my dear friend would have told me that years ago opposed to just months ago. Although, had I not let people in the front door all those years ago I would have never met this dear friend of mine, so for that I am thankful. I am a firm believer (in this season of life) that what is meant to be will be. What happens in life, does happen for a reason, despite not understanding it or agreeing with it. We have a plan and it goes awry. Such is life.
I have a note in my phone of “blog ideas” that I add to from time to time when I think of something, see a quote, or hear something perfect (such as the title of this post) and know that I need to write more on it but obviously can’t in the moment. So I add the random little thought in and save it for a rainy day. Isn’t it ironic (you’re totally singing some Alanis right now) but it’s raining. 🌧 I have a current desire to clean, organize, get rid of things, and be a minimalist in many areas of my life (hence the flyers and push for a neighborhood garage sale in my hood) and then my make up drawer is overflowing with things I will never wear so it’s being hit up this weekend. And so, with that in my forefront I had added that to my list of blog ideas just 2 days ago and really was looking forward to the process of this minimalistic lifestyle and documenting it. Well lucky you this front door thing is more important today. Maybe not more important, but definitely more in the forefront for me and I’m going to have to adjust my blog schedule to bring you this special programming note.
I was given this advice from my girlfriend about a guy. “Be careful who you let in your front door.” She said this knowing I’d give my all, as I do in everything (if I’m passionate about it anyway) and that I had already allowed him in too far and he didn’t even know. 🤦🏻♀️ Even more of a reason to be careful who you let in your front door, right? It spoke to me so much then though. I had to slow down and be careful of who I decided could walk into my life AKA front door, because 1) I would allow them consume me and I would (again) give my all, and 2) because of number 1, I would be allowing myself to get hurt. Again. And we all know I’m not ready for that. I also take it so literal in the sense of some day (WAY down the road) someone may come in my front door (literally) and meet my children and I need to be careful with that. For their sake.
I’m going somewhere with this, I promise, hold on, stay with me. I’ve chosen to make my divorce and my healing public. I started a blog for goodness sake. Right? I am WELL aware of the fact this is out there. I know there is criticism and for that I have to have thick skin because it comes in forms of what I thought were people for who were me, for my kids, and instead I am finding out they are only for themselves. Then there is the other side, the side that I love, that side that prevails the haters (that can’t follow this blog because then that would blow their cover but are here reading this now) there are the people that relate to this. The people that say I am an inspiration. Do you have ANY idea what that feels like? Like, for real, the amount of thumbs up and hearts I can get on a photo showing my physical progress is amazing. Seriously, that support feels so good. But the text messages that say my pain is appreciated, my words mean something; those messages from random strangers I do not know, those prevail. Those messages from friends that are hurting, the comments on Sunday at church from people I “know” but don’t REALLY know, those comments and messages mean so much more.
I have a friend that recently asked if she could share my blog, “of course, please do” was my response. She did and reported back within minutes that my posts were speaking to the person she shared with. I don’t know this person personally, but I know (because she has since reached out) that I am making a positive impact in her current season, helping her know she’s not alone when she feels it. It’s so hard to be in that place and feel alone. I get messages from friends that I haven’t talked to in ages that I am an inspiration. I am NOT trying to toot my own horn here. Frankly they toot it for me (that sounds all kinds of wrong 😂) but anyway – I don’t need you to feel sorry for me. I do not need you to think oh, this poor woman is still struggling. Nope, I don’t need that, and frankly I do not want it. I want you, the reader that I can only hope is here for the right reasons (not to screenshot and get to my private IG without first friending me to find juicy hashtags), to know that I don’t do this to blast my ex or his people. I also don’t think I have spoken ill of him. In fact, just the opposite. Of course, you’re hearing only one side of the two-sided story here, so keep that in mind. But I have from day one admitted faults and failures alike and my role in the marriage that I’m told, even just as recently as today, was doomed from day one because we were never true friends or companions. I blog as it helps me heal and I have found that it helps others and I believe I was created to help others. I have a passion for helping, for giving my all to make someone else better (it’s what I did for the last 15 years and how I lost myself). I will bring you up before I bring myself up. Well I used to, but now I am more like “here, first hold my water” (because I don’t like beer) and let me get myself up and going, but then I’m coming for you to go right along with me.
Okay, I lost you for a bit, back to the front door. When you open the door and allow someone in you can have positive or negative results. I’ve had both. I will continue to have both. You can’t get the reward if you don’t take the risk, right? So I will have to open the door to some I don’t want in order to hopefully get the reward I do want. I am thankful for the people I have let in that encourage me, build me up, and don’t tear me down but definitely do not sugar coat the life we live. I am blessed for those that I have let in that think of me and my struggles and my growth as a reference point for another of their friends. I am thankful for a community of new friends and a church that I’ve opened the door to for myself and my girls. I am thankful for the doors that were opened, friendships that were there, and doors that I will now close because sometimes people are here for you only in a season, only when it’s good for them, and sometimes only when it is good for you.
So here’s to being careful who you let in and not being afraid to shut the door when needed or open the door when presented.