BLOG POST! Woot! Woot! It’s been a minute since I’ve sat down to write a post – well let’s be honest, it’s been a minute since I’ve sat down to do much of anything. We are in the season of go, go, go and it’s a love/hate relationship I have with this season. I love that we are going; that we have activities and events and friends and community and all. the. things. HOWEVER, I also love not setting an alarm on the weekend, not having 15 places to be and 12 errands to run after one event and before the next but such is life right now. We are making memories and making it count so I can’t complain.
I did sit down and blog a few weeks back, but I didn’t share it . . .ohhhh, aren’t you just dying to know now?! 🤣 It was one that I initially typed to share (because if I had known from the get go I wasn’t going to share I would have just journaled it) but I typed and typed and then typed some more and then when it was all said and done I felt better about whatever it was (honestly I don’t even remember what I was bitching about in that moment) but writing it down helped and the need to share went away! So this one, I could do the same thing with but it could help others (which is the point of this whole thing anyway) so share away I will do!
In the divorce & recovery counseling thing I did (owning it 100%) before my divorce was even final I learned that on average it takes something like 18 months to 4 years for a person to be fully healed (and then do we ever even really fully heal?)! FOUR YEARS?! 18 MONTHS?! Either way, HOLY MACKEREL! At the time I thought shit, I mean for real – this is going to take me forever because I’m broken worse than anyone else. EVER before. I wish I had the picture still but essentially it was a hill, and a person climbing the hill, making the turn and going down the hill to essentially healing – it spoke volumes to me. I learned that the stages of grief I would have were far from over and once I got past one I was likely going to circle back to it and maybe even hit it harder the second time, so hold on tight.
All of this to say, I don’t even know what really I am trying to say here 🤦🏻♀️ – but it’s been just over 10 months sine the ‘rug was pulled’ if you will. First off that sounds insane, like I’m almost at a year post separation. 😲 Some days it feels like just yesterday and then other days I look at how much I’ve grown and I feel like it should have taken me years to get to where I am. I fell apart. Hard. But I’m falling together even harder. I’m stepping out on limbs. I’m having to date in ways I would have never imagined and meeting new people and becoming the social butterfly I always used to be. (I hate that she’s been hidden so long) I’m trying new things EVEN mango, dried strawberries and like healthy crap, and also craft beer, who would have thunk it?! 🤷🏻♀️😂
At church every Sunday our Pastor says something to the extent of I’m not standing up here because I’ve got it all figured out, but because I’m trying to figure it out with you, and that’s powerful. Anyone that thinks that I think I’ve got this all figured out and am good just needs to take a step back and re-think – because you thought wrong. Yesterday (Mother’s Day) was not easy for me mentally on so many levels, so I had to mentally choose to kick out the bad, see the positive, and make it what it is. I do NOT have this all figured out. I do however know that daily, yes STILL. daily, I have to make a conscious effort to see the good.
This weekend was a weekend of many firsts for me . . . firsts I would never have done in the past when I was giving all of myself to others. It’s more important to me than ever to be my main priority in my life, to fill my own cup so full it overflows into others. I can’t fill up someone else’s if mine isn’t full itself – sounds so simple and cliche but it’s straight truth is what it is. I’ve been given the opportunity to make new friends, friends that I would have never met had I not gone through divorce and blogged and been raw and honest and just true to who I am. I am thankful (in some jacked up way) for what I’ve gone through. I thought I would forever be bitter, and I’m still slightly salty, but I am so glad seeing the light that He has put me where He knew I needed to be the entire time.